My dear Friend,I read your answer this morning with gratitude.I have felt somewhat easier since.It shewed your interest in my vexations,and also that you know nothing worse than I do.I cannot describe the weakness of mind to which she has reduced me.This state of suspense is like hanging in the air by a single thread that exhausts all your strength to keep hold of it;and yet if that fails you,you have nothing in the world else left to trust to.I am come back to Edinburgh about this cursed business,and Mrs.-----is coming from Montrose next week.
How it will end,I can't say;and don't care,except as it regards the other affair.I should,I confess,like to have it in my power to make her the offer direct and unequivocal,to see how she'd receive it.It would be worth something at any rate to see her superfine airs upon the occasion;and if she should take it into her head to turn round her sweet neck,drop her eye-lids,and say--"Yes,I will be yours!"--why then,"treason domestic,foreign levy,nothing could touch me further."By Heaven!I do at on her.The truth is,I never had any pleasure,like love,with any one but her.Then how can I bear to part with her?Do you know I like to think of her best in her morning-gown and mob-cap--it is so she has oftenest come into my room and enchanted me!She was once ill,pale,and had lost all her freshness.I only adored her the more for it,and fell in love with the decay of her beauty.I could devour the little witch.If she had a plague-spot on her,I could touch the infection:if she was in a burning fever,I could kiss her,and drink death as I have drank life from her lips.When I press her hand,I enjoy perfect happiness and contentment of soul.It is not what she says or what she does--it is herself that I love.To be with her is to be at peace.I have no other wish or desire.The air about her is serene,blissful;and he who breathes it is like one of the Gods!So that I can but have her with me always,I care for nothing more.I never could tire of her sweetness;I feel that I could grow to her,body and soul?My heart,my heart is hers.
