Feb.,I822.
--You will scold me for this,and ask me if this is keeping my promise to mind my work.One half of it was to think of Sarah:and besides,I do not neglect my work either,I assure you.I regularly do ten pages a day,which mounts up to thirty guineas'worth a week,so that you see I should grow rich at this rate,if I could keep on so;AND I COULD KEEPON SO,if I had you with me to encourage me with your sweet smiles,and share my lot.The Berwick smacks sail twice a week,and the wind sits fair.When I think of the thousand endearing caresses that have passed between us,I do not wonder at the strong attachment that draws me to you;but I am sorry for my own want of power to please.I hear the wind sigh through the lattice,and keep repeating over and over to myself two lines of Lord Byron's Tragedy--"So shalt thou find me ever at thy side Here and hereafter,if the last may be."--applying them to thee,my love,and thinking whether I shall ever see thee again.Perhaps not--for some years at least--till both thou and I are old--and then,when all else have forsaken thee,I will creep to thee,and die in thine arms.You once made me believe I was not hated by her I loved;and for that sensation,so delicious was it,though but a mockery and a dream,I owe you more than I can ever pay.I thought to have dried up my tears for ever,the day I left you;but as I write this,they stream again.If they did not,I think my heart would burst.
I walk out here of an afternoon,and hear the notes of the thrush,that come up from a sheltered valley below,welcome in the spring;but they do not melt my heart as they used:it is grown cold and dead.As you say,it will one day be colder.--Forgive what I have written above;I did not intend it:but you were once my little all,and I cannot bear the thought of having lost you for ever,I fear through my own fault.
Has any one called?Do not send any letters that come.I should like you and your mother (if agreeable)to go and see Mr.Kean in Othello,and Miss Stephens in Love in a Village.If you will,I will write to Mr.T----,to send you tickets.Has Mr.P----called?I think I must send to him for the picture to kiss and talk to.Kiss me,my best beloved.Ah!if you can never be mine,still let me be your proud and happy slave.
H.
