We have a number of elegant, fine girls here that make a man's leisure hours pass very agreeably.I would esteem it an honour to announce you to some of them.--Gad! that announce is a select word; I won-der where I picked it up.
JONATHAN
I don't want to know them.
JESSAMY
Come, come, my dear friend, I see that I must assume the honour of being the director of your amuse-ments.Nature has given us passions, and youth and opportunity stimulate to gratify them.It is no shame, my dear Blueskin, for a man to amuse himself with a little gallantry.
JONATHAN
Girl huntry! I don't altogether understand.Inever played at that game.I know how to play hunt the squirrel, but I can't play anything with the girls; I am as good as married.
JESSAMY
Vulgar, horrid brute! Married, and above a hun-dred miles from his wife, and thinks that an objection to his making love to every woman he meets! He never can have read, no, he never can have been in a room with a volume of the divine Chesterfield.--So you are married?
JONATHAN
No, I don't say so; I said I was as good as mar-ried, a kind of promise.
JESSAMY
As good as married!--
JONATHAN
Why, yes; there's Tabitha Wymen, the deacon's daughter, at home; she and I have been courting a great while, and folks say as how we are to be married;and so I broke a piece of money with her when we parted, and she promised not to spark it with Solomon Dyer while I am gone.You wouldn't have me false to my true-love, would you?
JESSAMY
May be you have another reason for constancy;possibly the young lady has a fortune? Ha! Mr.
Jonathan, the solid charms: the chains of love are never so binding as when the links are made of gold.
JONATHAN
Why, as to fortune, I must needs say her father is pretty dumb rich; he went representative for our town last year.He will give her--let me see--four times seven is--seven times four--nought and carry one,--he will give her twenty acres of land--somewhat rocky though--a Bible, and a cow.
JESSAMY
Twenty acres of rock, a Bible, and a cow! Why, my dear Mr.Jonathan, we have servant-maids, or, as you would more elegantly express it, waitresses, in this city, who collect more in one year from their mistresses'
cast clothes.
JONATHAN
You don't say so!--
JESSAMY
Yes, and I'll introduce to one of them.There is a little lump of flesh and delicacy that lives at next door, waitress to Miss Maria; we often see her on the stoop.
JONATHAN
But are you sure she would be courted by me?
JESSAMY
Never doubt it; remember a faint heart never--blisters on my tongue--I was going to be guilty of a vile proverb; flat against the authority of Chester-field.I say there can be no doubt that the brilliancy of your merit will secure you a favourable reception.
JONATHAN
Well, but what must I say to her?
JESSAMY
Say to her! why, my dear friend, though I admire your profound knowledge on every other subject, yet, you will pardon my saying that your want of oppor-tunity has made the female heart escape the poignancy of your penetration.Say to her! Why, when a man goes a-courting, and hopes for success, he must begin with doing, and not saying.
JONATHAN
Well, what must I do?
JESSAMY
Why, when you are introduced you must make five or six elegant bows.
JONATHAN
Six elegant bows! I understand that; six, you say?
Well--
JESSAMY
Then you must press and kiss her hand; then press and kiss, and so on to her lips and cheeks; then talk as much as you can about hearts, darts, flames, nectar, and ambrosia--the more incoherent the better.
JONATHAN
Well, but suppose she should be angry with I?
JESSAMY
Why, if she should pretend--please to observe, Mr.
Jonathan--if she should pretend to be offended, you must-- But I'll tell you how my master acted in such a case: He was seated by a young lady of eighteen upon a sofa, plucking with a wanton hand the blooming sweets of youth and beauty.When the lady thought it necessary to check his ardour, she called up a frown upon her lovely face, so irresistibly alluring, that it would have warmed the frozen bosom of age; remem-ber, said she, putting her delicate arm upon his, re-member your character and my honour.My master instantly dropped upon his knees, with eyes swimming with love, cheeks glowing with desire, and in the gen-tlest modulation of voice he said: My dear Caroline, in a few months our hands will be indissolubly united at the altar; our hearts I feel are already so; the favours you now grant as evidence of your affection are favours indeed; yet, when the ceremony is once past, what will now be received with rapture will then be attributed to duty.
JONATHAN
Well, and what was the consequence?
JESSAMY
The consequence!--Ah! forgive me, my dear friend, but you New England gentlemen have such a laud-able curiosity of seeing the bottom of everything;--why, to be honest, I confess I saw the blooming cherub of a consequence smiling in its angelic mother's arms, about ten months afterwards.
JONATHAN
Well, if I follow all your plans, make them six bows, and all that, shall I have such little cherubim conse-quences?
JESSAMY
Undoubtedly.--What are you musing upon?
JONATHAN
You say you'll certainly make me acquainted?--Why, I was thinking then how I should contrive to pass this broken piece of silver--won't it buy a sugar-dram?
JESSAMY
What is that, the love-token from the deacon's daughter?--You come on bravely.But I must hasten to my master.Adieu, my dear friend.
JONATHAN
Stay, Mr.Jessamy--must I buss her when I am introduced to her?
JESSAMY
I told you, you must kiss her.
JONATHAN
Well, but must I buss her?
JESSAMY
Why, kiss and buss, and buss and kiss, is all one.
JONATHAN
Oh! my dear friend, though you have a profound knowledge of all, a pugnency of tribulation, you don't know everything.[Exit.
JESSAMY, alone.
