Vanity,that source of many of our follies,and of some of our crimes,has sunk many a man into company,in every light infinitely,below himself,for the sake of being the first man in it.There he dictates,is applauded,admired;and,for the sake of being the Coryphceus of that wretched chorus,disgraces and disqualifies himself soon for any better company.Depend upon it,you will sink or rise to the level of the company which you commonly keep:people will judge of you,and not unreasonably,by that.There is good sense in the Spanish saying,"Tell me whom you live with,and I will tell you who you are."Make it therefore your business,wherever you are,to get into that company which everybody in the place allows to be the best company next to their own;which is the best definition that I can give you of good company.But here,too,one caution is very necessary,for want of which many young men have been ruined,even in good company.
Good company (as I have before observed)is composed of a great variety of fashionable people,whose characters and morals are very different,though their manners are pretty much the same.When a young man,new in the world,first gets into that company,he very rightly determines to conform to,and imitate it.But then he too often,and fatally,mistakes the objects of his imitation.He has often heard that absurd term of genteel and fashionable vices.He there sees some people who shine,and who in general are admired and esteemed;and observes that these people are whoremasters,drunkards,or gamesters,upon which he adopts their vices,mistaking their defects for their perfections,and thinking that they owe their fashions and their luster to those genteel vices.
Whereas it is exactly the reverse;for these people have acquired their reputation by their parts,their learning,their good-breeding,and other real accomplishments:and are only blemished and lowered,in the opinions of all reasonable people,and of their own,in time,by these genteel and fashionable vices.A whoremaster,in a flux,or without a nose,is a very genteel person,indeed,and well worthy of imitation.A drunkard,vomiting up at night the wine of the day,and stupefied by the headache all the next,is,doubtless,a fine model to copy from.And a gamester,tearing his hair,and blaspheming,for having lost more than he had in the world,is surely a most amiable character.No;these are alloys,and great ones too,which can never adorn any character,but will always debase the best.To prove this,suppose any man,without parts and some other good qualities,to be merely a whoremaster,a drunkard,or a gamester;how will he be looked upon by all sorts of people?Why,as a most contemptible and vicious animal.Therefore it is plain,that in these mixed characters,the good part only makes people forgive,but not approve,the bad.
I will hope and believe that you will have no vices;but if,unfortunately,you should have any,at least I beg of you to be content with your own,and to adopt no other body's.
The adoption of vice has,I am convinced,ruined ten times more young men than natural inclinations.
As I make no difficulty of confessing my past errors,where I think the confession may be of use to you,I will own that when I first went to the university,I drank and smoked,notwithstanding the aversion I had to wine and tobacco,only because I thought it genteel,and that it made me look like a man.When I went abroad,I first went to The Hague,where gaming was much in fashion,and where I observed that many people of shining rank and character gamed too.I was then young enough,and silly enough,to believe that gaming was one of their accomplishments;and,as I aimed at perfection,I adopted gaming as a necessary step to it.Thus I acquired by error the habit of a vice which,far from adorning my character,has,I am conscious,been a great blemish in it.
Imitate then,with discernment and judgment,the real perfections of the good company into which you may get;copy their politeness,their carriage,their address,and the easy and well-bred turn of their conversation;but remember that,let them shine ever so bright,their vices,if they have any,are so many spots which you would no more imitate,than you would make an artificial wart upon your face,because some very handsome man had the misfortune to have a natural one upon his:
but,on the contrary,think how much handsomer he would have been without it.
Having thus confessed some of my 'egaremens',I will now show you a little of my right side.I always endeavored to get into the best company wherever I was,and commonly succeeded.There I pleased to some degree by showing a desire to please.I took care never to be absent or 'distrait';but on the contrary,attended to everything that was said,done,or even looked,in company;I never failed in the minutest attentions and was never 'journalier'.These things,and not my 'egaremens',made me fashionable.Adieu!This letter is full long enough.
