It were but tedious to describe how the Emperor of Austria's mantlewas converted to tinder, and how the posts and pillars of the Frenchthrone became a heap of coals, which it was impossible todistinguish from those of any other wood. Let me add, however, thatI noticed one of the exiled Poles stirring up the bonfire with theCzar of Russia's sceptre, which he afterwards flung into the flames.
"The smell of singed garments is quite intolerable here,"observed my new acquaintance, as the breeze enveloped us in thesmoke of a royal wardrobe. "Let us get to windward, and see whatthey are doing on the other side of the bonfire."We accordingly passed around, and were just in time to witnessthe arrival of a vast procession of Washingtonians- as the votaries oftemperance call themselves now-a-days- accompanied by thousands of theIrish disciples of Father Mathew, with that great apostle at theirhead. They brought a rich contribution to the bonfire; being nothingless than all the hogsheads and barrels of liquor in the world,which they rolled before them across the prairie.
"Now, my children," cried Father Mathew, when they reached theverge of the fire- "one shove more, and the work is done! And nowlet us stand off and see Satan deal with his own liquor!"Accordingly, having placed their wooden vessels within reach of theflames, the procession stood off at a safe distance, and soon beheldthem burst into a blaze that reached the clouds, and threatened to setthe sky itself on fire. And well it might. For here was the wholeworld's stock of spirituous liquors, which, instead of kindling afrenzied light in the eyes of individual topers, as of yore, soaredupwards with a bewildering gleam that startled all mankind. It was theaggregate of that fierce fire which would otherwise have scorchedthe hearts of millions. Meantime, numberless bottles of preciouswine were flung into the blaze, which lapped up the contents as ifit loved them, and grew, like other drunkards, the merrier and fiercerfor what it quaffed. Never again will the insatiable thirst of thefire-fiend be so pampered! Here were the treasures of famousbon-vivants- liquors that had been tossed on ocean, and mellowed inthe sun, and hoarded long in the recesses of the earth- the pale,the gold, the ruddy juice of whatever vineyards were most delicate-the entire vintage of Tokay- all mingling in one stream with thevile fluids of the common pot-house, and contributing to heightenthe self-same blaze. And while it rose in a gigantic spire, thatseemed to wave against the arch of the firmament, and combine itselfwith the light of stars, the multitude gave a shout, as if the broadearth were exulting in its deliverance from the curse of ages.
But the joy was not universal. Many deemed that human life would begloomier than ever, when that brief illumination should sink down.
While the reformers were at work, I overheard mutteredexpostulations from several respectable gentlemen with red noses,and wearing gouty shoes; and a ragged worthy, whose face looked like ahearth where the fire is burnt out, now expressed his discontentmore openly and boldly.
"What is this world good for," said the last toper, "now that wecan never be jolly any more? What is to comfort the poor man in sorrowand perplexity? how is he to keep his heart warm against the coldwinds of this cheerless earth? and what do you propose to give himin exchange for the solace that you take away? How are old friendsto sit together by the fireside, without a cheerful glass betweenthem? A plague upon your reformation! It is a sad world, a cold world,a selfish world, a low world, not worth an honest fellow's livingin, now that good fellowship is gone for ever!"This harangue excited great mirth among the bystanders. But,preposterous as was the sentiment, I could not help commiseratingthe forlorn condition of the last toper, whose boon-companions haddwindled away from his side, leaving the poor fellow without a soul tocountenance him in sipping his liquor, nor indeed any liquor to sip.
Not that this was quite the true state of the case; for I had observedhim, at a critical moment, filch a bottle of fourth-proof brandythat fell beside the bonfire, and hide it in his pocket.
The spirituous and fermented liquors being thus disposed of, thezeal of the reformers next induced them to replenish the fire with allthe boxes of tea and bags of coffee in the world. And now came theplanters of Virginia, bringing their crops of tobacco. These, beingcast upon the heap of inutility, aggregated it to the size of amountain, and incensed the atmosphere with such potent fragrancethat methought we should never draw pure breath again. The presentsacrifice seemed to startle the lovers of the weed more than anythat they had hitherto witnessed.
"Well, they've put my pipe out," said an old gentleman, flinging itinto the flames in a pet. "What is this world coming to? Everythingrich and racy- all the spice of life- is to be condemned as useless.
