A. involve B. evaluate C. change D. revolve
3. Often couples come together because they see in the other qualities which arelacking in themselves. Later，precisely because these qualities are different fromtheir own，they become the source of irr itation and tension.
A. anger B. satisfaction C. contentment D. irruption
4. What was once attractive becomes annoying and is taken as a personal affront. Too often it is easier to blame the other than look at one??s own blind spots and changingexpectations.
A. attraction B. insult C. influence D. affect
5. If your own attempts to improve communication are repeatedly unsuccessful,perhaps it??s time to consult a counselor .
A. council B. counsel C. consultant D. consul
( 2) Dea ling with Anger in a Mar r iage
Anger is a feeling，a natural emotion，a human response to your safety，wellbeing,and happiness. Everyone experiences anger -some people more intensely andfrequently than others. Though anger is one of the most common emotions known tothe human race，few people are skilled at reacting to this feeling with completeeffectiveness. Many of us rely on a few specific responses that we learned as childrenand continue to use as adults. These responses can turn into constructive or destructivebehavior. Recognizing what makes us angry can help us find better ways to cope withthis emotion. It??s not whether we get angry，but what we do with our anger that matters.
Those who have studied anger indicate that more anger is developed in marriagerelationships than in any other relationship. Unresolved anger is the pr incipal cause ofviolence toward another person. Successful anger manage- ment can mean thedifference between marital joy or absolute misery. The success or failure of a marriagemay depend on the way a couple copes with their anger.
Misconceptions of Anger
Many of us hold misconceptions of anger and these misconceptions can leadpeople to cover up their anger in different ways. According to D. L. Carlson，fivemisconceptions are:
If you don??t look angry on the outside，you don??t have problem with anger.If you ignore hurt and anger ，they will go away.
Venting feelings and anger will make them go away.Playing the martyr ( being nice all the time ) and not expressing anger will notdamage you.
Your relationships will suffer if you express any anger or hurt.
How People Cover Up Anger
If marriage partners have any of these misconceptions，they may cover up their anger in one or more of the following ways:
denial ( ignoring the evidence)
peace at any price ( i. e. ，giving in rather than engaging conflict，withdrawal)
grievance collecting ( keeping track of everything that has happened)
passive /aggressive behavior ( pouting，sarca**，stubbornness，procrastina- tion,generating guilt) bigotry ( hating another group of people)
all is well attitude ( overly sweet and nice about what is happening)
Anger Ca n Be Healthy in a Rela tionship David and Vera Mace，pioneers in the Marriage Enrichment movement，indicate that anger is healthy and normal and is present at different times in all maritalrelationships. Couples should give each other the right to be angry. The Maces haveoutlined a way of coping with feelings of anger that surface in almost every marriage.When a spouse notices angry feelings coming on，those angry feelings should beexpressed in words，but said calmly and with love. These feelings should be expressed in much the same tone as they would say,“ I??m tired，”or“ I??m very tired. ”Coupleswho effectively manage their anger agree that it is necessary to express andacknowledge it. They agree never to attack in anger even though they share angryfeelings. They should agree with each other that they won??t yell at one another unlessthere is extreme danger. If a firm，non-yelling policy is developed，it will remove theneed for a spouse to feel defensive or to develop any type of retaliatory anger . If bothpartners can express their anger calmly，they will be better able to find out how andwhy the anger is present in the marriage.
Resolving Anger
The Maces developed an acronym ( AREA) to help couples remember a betterway of resolving anger:
A is for admitting your anger to your spouse
R is the desire to restrain your anger and not let it get out of hand by blaming orbelittling
E stands for explaining in a very calm manner why you are angry
A stands for action planning or doing something about the cause of the angerIf anger is handled in this way，using a calm approach to identify the cause of theanger and what can be done about it，couples usually find that the anger was based on
a misunderstanding or misinterpreted words or deeds. Couples may also find out thatone partner was pushed beyond a level of tolerance. All these things can be resolved ifapproached calmly.
