登陆注册
1805700000005

第5章 做自己想做的人 (5)

On Saturday, February 12 two thousand, two things happened that changed everything in my life. The first was that on this day my baby sister was married. She was twenty-six this day, and yet to me she was still my baby sister. I suppose that I pictured her as a little girl, and treated her like one in order to hold onto and preserve my own youth. Until I saw her in her wedding dress I still had a vision of her with chubby little cheeks and long, dark-brown pigtails blowing in the wind, perhaps even a permanent smudge of chocolate around her pink lips. I guess it's true that you see only what you want to see. Where did this beautiful woman with the glowing complexion and gentle curves come from?

I was happy that day, and also sad. Gone were the days of me bossing her around and telling her what she should do with her life. My bossy behavior had earned me the nickname Lucy. If you are a Peanuts fan then you can clearly imagine my behavior as an older sister. To me it wasn't an insult; I rather like the nickname Lucy. I happen to think that Lucy is strong and has incredible self-confidence, although she is a little overbearing at times. I did my best to live up to the standards set forth by this dynamic cartoon character.

I left the reception to get some air because suddenly I was overcome with grief at the realization that I was no longer a child. I went outside and walked to a nearby playground where there were children playing on the slide, the swings and digging in the dirt. There was a little girl twirling around on a bar, one knee wrapped tightly around the bar and fashioned behind her knee. It was all I could do to sit there and just watch, for I too wanted to get on that bar with her and see if I could still hold the all-time twirling record (ninety-nine times in fifth grade). Somewhere inside I knew that I would break my neck, and I was wearing a bridesmaid dress. Not exactly play ground material. And so I sat watching the children play. I'm not sure how long I sat there before my sister came and joined me. We talked about how we are grown up now and shed a few tears for our childhood days gone by. As she wiped a tear from my eye she lovingly said, "You’ll always be Lucy to me." We hugged.

My cousin Mike walked over and told my sister that it was time to cut the cake. And then he dropped bomb number two on me. "Hey, did you guys hear that Charles Schultz died today?" He said it like it was no big deal. He took my sister's arm and turned to head back for the reception hall. "Coming?" They asked. "In a minute." I replied, and sat back down on the bench, dizzy from what he had just told me.

Dead? How could Charles Schultz be dead? He was my creator! And though I have never met the man personally, he has always been like an invisible father to me. He did, after all, fashion a famous character after me. I lost so many things on this day. Innocence slipped away from me like a thief in the night: come and gone before I could do anything about it, taking with it all the treasures that I held most valuable in my heart. I felt myself grow up, all in one moment. Reality rushed in around me like a hurricane tide. There was nowhere to run to. All I could do was sit there and watch it destroy and reshape what had existed only a moment before. I was no longer a child. I was no longer Lucy who knew what was best for everyone else. I saw, for the first time, what I really was—a thirty-year old woman with a husband of my own, and soon, a child of my own.

I allowed the tide to carry my sadness out with it. Take it out to sea, for it serves no purpose in my life. I stood up from the bench; a little taller than I was when I sat down. I turned and headed back to the hall, hoping I didn't miss the cutting of the cake. It was the day my sister grew wings of her own and left the nest. It was the day that Lucy died, and I was born.

2000年2月12日,星期六,那天发生的两件事改变了我此后的生活。第一件是小妹妹那天结婚了。当时她已经26岁了,但对我来说,她还是我的小妹妹。我总是把她看作小女孩,也把她当一个小女孩来对待。我想这是因为我希望通过这种方式来永葆青春。直到看到她身着婚纱的那一刻,浮现在我脑海的还是那个小圆脸蛋,长长的褐色马尾巴在风中摆动的小女孩;也许还有一块巧克力总是粘在她那粉红色的嘴唇上。我想人总是看见自己想看的东西。眼前这位容光焕发、线条优美的女人是谁呢?

那天我既高兴又伤心。过去我对她呼来唤去,告诉她生活应该怎样过的日子已经一去不回了。因为独断蛮横,我得到了“露西”这个外号。如果你也喜欢看《花生》这部动画片,那你一定可以想象我作为一个大姐姐的样子。我不觉得这个外号是一种侮辱,反倒很喜欢它。我有时还想,强大的露西自信得令人难以置信,虽然她有时也让人难以忍受。我努力向这个生气勃勃的卡通形象看齐。

我离开了婚礼现场,到外面去呼吸些新鲜空气。我突然伤感不已,因为自己已经不再是个孩子了。我走到外面,来到附近的一个运动场边,小孩子正在那里玩滑梯、荡秋千、玩泥沙。有个小女孩正在一个杠上快速地转动,一条腿紧紧地勾在杠上。而我所能做的只是坐在那里看看,我也想跟她一起玩,看看能否再重现当年自己转圈的最高记录(五年级时一次达到99次)。但我很清楚,这样我可能会扭断脖子。再说我正穿着伴娘服,不适合运动。于是我只好坐在那里看孩子们玩耍。不知过了多久,妹妹来到我身边。我们谈起自己已经长大了,并为逝去的孩童时光流下了泪。她替我擦干眼泪,充满爱意地说:“你永远都是我的露西。” 我们拥抱在了一起。

表弟迈克走过来告诉妹妹该切蛋糕了。接着他给我扔下了第二颗炸弹。“嘿,你们知道查尔斯·舒尔兹今天去世了吗?”他说得很轻松,然后挽着妹妹的手臂向婚礼现场走去。“来吗?”他们问道。“等会儿。”我回答说,又在椅子上坐了下来,他刚刚告诉我的消息让我眩晕。

去世了?查尔斯·舒尔兹怎么可能会去世呢?是他创造了我!虽然我从来没和他见过面,但对于我来说,他一直都像是一位看不见的父亲一样。他毕竟为我创造了一个有名的角色。就在那一天,我失去了那么多东西,童真就像一个在夜里行窃的小偷一样,无声无息地溜走了:在我还来不及做点什么的时候就已经走了,带走了我心底深处最宝贵的财富。就在那一刻,我意识到自己已经长大了。现实像暴风浪一样向我袭来。我无处可逃。我只能坐在那里,看着它把刚刚还存在的东西毁掉,接着又重塑。我不再是个孩子。我知道不再是那个神通广大的露西了。我第一次意识到真正的我——一个有自己的丈夫,很快会有我们的孩子的三十岁的女人。

我任由巨浪带走我的悲伤,送到大海中去。因为它对于我的生命来说再没什么意义了。我从椅子上站了起来,比我坐着时高了一些。我转身向婚礼现场走去,希望没错过切蛋糕的场面。今天是妹妹展翅出巢的一天,也是露西死去,我得到新生的一天。

Youth Is Not A Time Of Life, It Is A State Of Mind青春不是年华,而是心境

Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind. It is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees. It is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep spring of life.

同类推荐
  • 当英语成为时尚:生活全由你创造

    当英语成为时尚:生活全由你创造

    大千世界,人生百态,伟大的作家往往能捕捉到哲理闪光的瞬间,凝聚睿智的理念。本书摘取了耐人寻味、震撼人心的哲理美文和励志故事,希望读者能够细细品读,感受笔墨下的精神力量和人生真理
  • Le Mort d'Arthur

    Le Mort d'Arthur

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。
  • 从零开始学西班牙语:“袋”着走

    从零开始学西班牙语:“袋”着走

    这本《从零开始学西班牙语,"袋"着走》满足了初学者的基本诉求。不仅封面大方美观,内容更是丰富多彩。从最基础的西班牙语字母和发音规则入门,到日常生活、交流表达、当地生活、求学职场、文化概况等,几乎涵盖了所有你能想到的,以及你若是有机会去西班牙语国家旅游生活或是工作能够用到的各个方面。
  • 日常生活英语900句“袋”着走

    日常生活英语900句“袋”着走

    全书分4大类:生活、旅游、交际等,共涵盖90个话题。其中包括生活口语30个情景话题;旅游口语16个情景话题;休闲口语24个情景话题;交际口语20个情景话题;以大量实用的例句与场景会话让你将英语理解得更为透彻,从而掌握地道的表达方法。小开本的设计,方便读者携带,装到口袋里随时随地学英语。
  • 《 新编大学英语③ 》词汇突破记忆

    《 新编大学英语③ 》词汇突破记忆

    本书根据《新编大学英语③》(浙江大学编著,外语教学与研究出版社出版) 教材编写, 包含课内阅读和课后阅读的所有词汇、词组, 并给出同义、反义、考点、例句、辨析。编写本书的目的是提倡学生在句子中记忆单词, 以便快速突破词汇关。书中每个单元都有同步测试题, 书后有词汇自测题三套, 供学生自我检查用。对于使用《新编大学英语③》教材的学生, 本书不失为一本有助于强化理解、联想记忆、方便实用的学习辅导书。
热门推荐
  • 无良萝莉闯九州

    无良萝莉闯九州

    作为一个生活在最血腥残酷的佣兵世界里的翘楚!她的世界关里只能有你为鱼肉,我为刀俎。十年的血雨腥风,她创造了佣兵届的不败神话。她虽残忍嗜血、杀伐果断!生活中她机灵古怪,热情似火,腹黑奸诈,喜欢将那些得罪她的人整得死去活来又过来死去。照她的话说就是“我最喜欢做的事就是看着那些人满脸憋屈的便秘模样。”那时她便会一脚踩在那人的脸上,得瑟又狂傲的告诉那人“你看不惯我,又干不过我。你能怎么样?”不想她一次意外,穿越到了异世大陆一个小小幼童的身上,从此过上了苦逼且张扬的异世生涯!
  • 显学

    显学

    本书为公版书,为不受著作权法限制的作家、艺术家及其它人士发布的作品,供广大读者阅读交流。汇聚授权电子版权。
  • 傲世重生:全能五小姐

    傲世重生:全能五小姐

    她本是二十一世纪的神偷兼神医,一不小心穿越到了一个废物身上。纳尼!?废物神马的可从来不是她的代名词哦。神兽?SORRY,那可是她家的小宠物。灵药?SORRY,她自己把药可是当水喝滴。钱?可以要,($_$),对于她这个财迷来说,那绝对是不可少的好东西啊,谁叫她姓“钱”呢?美男?那可是她练手的沙包哦!( ̄︶ ̄)↗当她成长起来时,你可要小心啰,因为她发过誓:天下任逍遥!
  • 霸道总裁,小瞧我

    霸道总裁,小瞧我

    她,18岁学生;他,霸道腹黑,一场意外她和他发生了关系,她都不介意,可他却死缠烂打要她负责“老婆你不能不要我”,说好的霸道呢,怎么只有萌了!
  • 夺宝战记

    夺宝战记

    远古时代,神魔大战致擎天柱倾倒,整个天界塌陷,凡间犹如人间地狱。人帝女娲不忍凡间受苦受难,借炼五色神石补天,途中,奈何魔帝来扰,将五色神石的一个小角打碎,并掉落凡间。诸神合力击退魔帝,人帝女娲舍身化神石佑一方天地,保护人间千万年。而千万年后的今天,昆仑派弟子宋歪歪带着一口头婚约来到了川蜀市,寻找自己的未婚妻靳真真,从而开始了一段无厘头的修真探宝之旅.............
  • 玄泽记

    玄泽记

    斜湾城一家族少年,相救神秘人遇得一桩机缘,神玄学院修行路,洗脉仪式开启变异神念海,过目不忘,术诀自修,神念分启。海城少年从此走向自由与强大之路,投身入时代的洪流中,青史留名,笑傲天下!
  • 浪花淘

    浪花淘

    一段情,半生执念,甘愿赴汤蹈火;一场局,腥风血雨,誓要颠覆武林。天下豪杰争天下,英雄长泪洒英雄。江湖过客行江湖,梦中旧人,留梦中......
  • 穿越时空管教你

    穿越时空管教你

    电视剧续、《一触即发》的、影视架空。杨慕初穿越,前世今生的故事。。喜剧内容、欢脱、徽虐。。写作阅读方式、简单而轻快。。
  • 随身带着小狐狸

    随身带着小狐狸

    随身带着一只傲娇小(老)狐狸,无奈脾气暴躁更年期。为了保小命,刘星只能够唉声叹气开始修仙,从此开启了【肥猪流】人生。当得知仙界和人界存在本身就是阴谋时,打破两界结界,还人间修士公道。还好,修仙之路上面,有热血兄弟,有红颜知己。
  • 凤逆天下:腹黑三小姐

    凤逆天下:腹黑三小姐

    她,21世纪的天才军医,一朝穿越,却成了人人过街喊打的草包废材女,他,帝国亲王,王位的继承者,武道天赋绝佳。却对她穷追不舍。说她废物?不好意思,人家魔武双修,两只傲娇神兽都归她了。大陆神女,帝国亲王,且看他们如何联手创造传奇。