A Misdemeanour OCTOBER 9th.--While the gentlemen are ranging the woods and Lady Lowborough is busy writing her letters, I will return to my chronicle for the purpose of recording sayings and doings, the last of the kind I hope I shall ever have cause to describe.
It was on the night of the 4th, a little after tea, that Annabella had been singing and playing, with Arthur as usual at her side: she had ended her song, but still she sat at the instrument; and he stood leaning on the back of her chair, conversing in scarcely audible tones, with his face in very close proximity with hers. I looked at Lord Lowborough. He was at the other end of the room, talking with Messrs Hargrave and Grimsby; but I saw him dart, towards his lady and his host, a quick, impatient glance, expressive of intense disquietude, at which Grimsby smiled. Determined to interrupt the tête- a-tête, I rose, and selecting a piece of music from the music stand, stepped up to the piano, intending to ask the lady to play it; but I stood transfixed and speechless in seeing her seated there, listening with what seemed an exultant smile on her flushed face, to his soft murmurings, with her hand quietly surrendered to his clasp. The blood rushed first to my heart and then to my head--for there was more than this; almost at the moment of my approach, he cast a hurried glance over his shoulder towards the other occupants of the room, and then ardently pressed the unresisting hand to his lips. On raising his eyes he beheld me and dropped them again, confounded and dismayed. She saw me too, and confronted me with a look of hard defiance I laid the music on the piano, and retired. I felt ill; but I did not leave the room: happily, it was getting late and could not be long before the company dispersed.
I went to the fire and leant my head against the chimney-piece. in a minute or two, someone asked me if I felt unwell. I did not answer--indeed, at the time I knew not what was said--but I mechanically looked up, and saw Mr Hargrave standing beside me on the rug.
`Shall I get you a glass of wine?' said he.
`No, thank you,' I replied; and turning from him, I looked round.
Lady Lowborough was beside her husband, bending over him as he sat, with her hand on his shoulder, softly talking and smiling in his face; and Arthur was at the table turning over a book of engravings. I seated myself in the nearest chair; and Mr Hargrave, finding his services were not desired, judiciously with drew. Shortly after, the company broke up, and as the guests were retiring to their rooms, Arthur approached me, smiling with the utmost assurance.
`Are you very angry, Helen?' murmured he.
`This is no jest, Arthur,' said I, seriously, but as calmly as I could--`unless you think it a jest to lose my affection forever.'
`What! so bitter?' he exclaimed, laughingly clasping my hand between both his; but I snatched it away, in indignation--almost in disgust, for he was obviously affected with wine.
`Then I must go down on my knees,' said he; and kneeling before me with clasped hands uplifted in mock humiliation, he continued imploringly--`Forgive me, Helen!--dear Helen, forgive me, and I'll never do it again!' and burying his face in his handkerchief, he affected to sob aloud.
Leaving him thus employed, I took my candle, and slipping quietly from the room, hastened upstairs as fast as I could. But he soon discovered that I had left him, and rushing up after me, caught me in his arms, just as I had entered the chamber, and was about to shut the door in his face.
`No, no, by Heaven, you shan't escape me so!' he cried. Then, alarmed at my agitation, he begged me not to put myself in such a passion, telling me I was white in the face, and should kill myself if I did so.
`Let me go then,' I murmured; and immediately he released me--and it was well he did, for I was really in a passion. I sunk into the easy-hair and endeavoured to compose myself, for I wanted to speak to him calmly.
He stood beside me, but did not venture to touch me or to speak, for a few seconds; then approaching a little nearer, he dropped on one knee--not in mock humility, but to bring himself nearer my level, and leaning his hand on the arm of the chair, he began in a low voice--`It is all nonsense, Helen--a jest, a mere nothing--not worth a thought. Will you never learn?' he continued, more boldly, `that you have nothing to fear from me? that I love you wholly and entirely?--or if,' he added, with a lurking smile, `I ever give a thought to another, you may well spare it, for those fancies are here and gone like a flash of lightning, while my love for you burns on steadily, and for ever like the sun. You little exorbitant tyrant, will not that --'
`Be quiet a moment, will you, Arthur,' said I, `and listen to me--and don't think I'm in a jealous fury: I am perfectly calm. Feel my hand.' And I gravely extended it towards him--but closed it upon his with an energy that seemed to disprove the assertion, and made him smile. `You needn't smile, sir,' said I, still tightening my grasp, and looking steadfastly on him till he almost quailed before me. `You may think it all very fine, Mr Huntingdon, to amuse yourself with rousing my jealousy; but take care you don't rouse my hate instead. And when you have once extinguished my love, you will find it no easy matter to kindle it again.'
`Well, Helen, I won't repeat the offence. But I meant nothing by it, I assure you. I had taken too much wine, and I was scarcely myself, at the time.'
`You often take too much;--and that is another practice I detest.'
He looked up astonished at my warmth. `Yes,' I continued. `I never mentioned it before, because I was ashamed to do so; but now I'll tell you that it distresses me, and may disgust me, if you go on and suffer the habit to grow upon you, as it will, if you don't check it in time. But the whole system of your conduct to Lady Lowborough is not referable to wine; and this night you knew perfectly well what you were doing.'
`Well, I'm sorry for it,' replied he, with more of sulkiness than contrition: `what more would you have?'
