BLEPYRUS
No, that you may rule...
PRAXAGORA
What?
BLEPYRUS
...over all public business.
PRAXAGORA (as she exclaims this CHREMES reappears)Oh! by Aphrodite how happy Athens will be!
BLEPYRUS
Why so?
PRAXAGORA
For a thousand reasons. None will dare now to do shameless deeds, give false testimony or lay informations.
BLEPYRUS
Stop! in the name of the gods! Do you want me to die of hunger?
CHREMES
Good sir, let your wife speak.
PRAXAGORA
There will be no more thieves, nor envious people, no more rags nor misery, no more abuse and no more prosecutions and law-suits.
CHREMES
By Posidon! that's grand, if it's true!
PRAXAGORA
I shall prove it and you shall be my witness and even he (pointing to Blepyrus) will have no objections to raise.
CHORUS (singing)
You have served your friends, but now it behoves you to apply your ability and your care to the welfare of the people. Devote the fecundity of your mind to the public weal; adorn the citizens' lives with a thousand enjoyments and teach them to seize every favourable opportunity. Devise some ingenious method to secure the much-needed salvation of Athens; but let neither your acts nor your words recall anything of the past, for 'tis only innovations that please.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But do not fail to put your plans into execution immediately; it's quick action that pleases the audience.
PRAXAGORA
I believe my ideas are good, but what I fear is that the public will cling to the old customs and refuse to accept my reforms.
CHREMES
Have no fear about that. Love of novelty and disdain for traditions, these are the dominating principles among us.
PRAXAGORA (to the audience)
Let none contradict nor interrupt me until I have explained my plan. I want all to have a share of everything and all property to be in common; there will no longer be either rich or poor; no longer shall we see one man harvesting vast tracts of land, while another has not ground enough to be buried in, nor one man surround himself with a whole army of slaves, while another has not a single attendant; Iintend that there shan only be one and the same condition of life for all.
BLEPYRUS
But how do you mean for all?
PRAXAGORA (impatiently)
You'll eat dung before I do!
BLEPYRUS
Won't the dung be common too?
PRAXAGORA
No, no, but you interrupted me too soon. This is what I was going to say; I shall begin by making land, money, everything that is private property, common to all. Then we shall live on this common wealth, which we shall take care to administer with wise thrift.
BLEPYRUS
And how about the man who has no land, but only gold and silver coins, that cannot be seen?
PRAXAGORA
He must bring them to the common stock, and if he fails he will be a perjured man.
BLEPYRUS
That won't worry him much, for has he not gained them by perjury?
PRAXAGORA
But his riches will no longer be of any use to him.
BLEPYRUS
Why?
PRAXAGORA
The poor will no longer be obliged to work; each will have all that he needs, bread, salt fish, cakes, tunics, wine, chaplets and chick-pease; of what advantage will it be to him not to contribute his share to the common wealth? What do you think of it?
BLEPYRUS
But is it not the biggest robbers that have all these things?
CHREMES
Yes, formerly, under the old order of things; but now that all goods are in common, what will he gain by not bringing his wealth into the general stock?
BLEPYRUS
If someone saw a pretty wench and wished to lay her, he would take some of his reserve store to make her a present and stay the night with her; this would not prevent him claiming his share of the common property.
PRAXAGORA
But he can sleep with her for nothing; I intend that women shall belong to all men in common, and each shall beget children by any man that wishes to have her.
BLEPYRUS
But all will go to the prettiest woman and try to lay her.
PRAXAGORA
The ugliest and the most flat-nosed will be side by side with the most charming, and to win the latter's favours, a man will first have to get into the former.
BLEPYRUS
But what about us oldsters? If we have to lay the old women first, how can we keep our tools from failing before we get into the Promised Land?
PRAXAGORA
They will make no resistance. Never fear; they will make no resistance.
BLEPYRUS
Resistance to what?
PRAXAGORA
To the pleasure of the thing. This is the way that matters will be ordered for you.
BLEPYRUS
It's very well conceived for you women, for every wench's hole will be filled; but what about the men? The women will run away from the ugly ones and chase the good-looking.
PRAXAGORA
The ugly will follow the handsomest into the public places after supper and see to it that the law, which forbids the women to sleep with the big, handsome men before having satisfied the ugly shrimps, is complied with.
BLEPYRUS
Thus ugly Lysicrates' nose will be as proud as the handsomest face?
PRAXAGORA
Yes, by Apollo! this is a truly popular decree, and what a set-back it will be for one of those elegants with their fingers loaded with rings, when a man with heavy shoes says to him, "Give way to me and wait till I have done; you will pass in after me."BLEPYRUS
But if we live in this fashion, how will each one know his children?
PRAXAGORA
The youngest will look upon the oldest as their fathers.
BLEPYRUS
Ah! how heartily they will strangle all the old men, since even now, when each one knows his father, they make no bones about strangling him! then, my word! won't they just scorn and crap upon the old folks!
PRAXAGORA
But those around will prevent it. Hitherto, when anyone saw an old man beaten, he would not meddle, because it did not concern him;buff now each will fear the sufferer may be his own father and such violence will be stopped.
BLEPYRUS
What you say is not so silly after all; but it would be highly unpleasant were Epicurus and Leucolophas to come up and call me father.
CHREMES
But it would be far worse, were...
BLEPYRUS
Were what?
CHREMES
...Aristyllus to embrace you and style you his father.
BLEPYRUS
He'll regret it if he does!
CHREMES
